Friday, December 09, 2005

Does Santa wear Dolphins?

A recent photo I saw at TheSubReport of the USS Charlotte (SSN 766) at the North Pole combined with the approaching holidays has got me wondering; “Does Santa wear Dolphins?”.

Using Lubber’s Line investigative tools, google, beer and memory, I decided to document my suspicions. The accumulative evidence is overwhelming:

First take the coincidence of names, there is a Submarine named the SANTA Fe (SSN 763) and a famous Submarine harbor in Guam located in the village of SANTA Rita. Could these names be in honor of that golly old elf?

Second is the fact that submarines are constantly visiting the North Pole and are sometimes greeted by St. Nick himself. The pictorial evidence (Photos Source: US Navy) below is ill refutable.

Santa Greeting the USS Hawkbill (SSN 666)

Navigator of the USS Connecticut (SSN 21) asking Santa for a new gyrocompass.
(Elves can be seen in background)

Santa Claus was the first to celebrate the arrival at the North Pole of the NAUTILUS and there has even been foreign news reports of other Subs visiting Santa.

Occasionally Santa will return the favor, come down from the northern latitudes, and visit his bubblehead friends. Although in some cases he should get the proper clearances first.

Not to miss a good sale Santa hitches a ride on one.

Submariner's even write poetry about Santa visits.

Then there are those unique Santa attributes:
Never heard or seen, in the dead of night he uses stealth to deliver his payload.
He can climb up bridge trunk or the inside of a chimney with ease.
He is rarely seen out of uniform with spit shined boots and a distinctive red poopy suit.
Mid-rats seems to be his favorite meal.
His year is filled with intel ops, checking on naughty and nice activities.
If you shave his beard and give him a crew cut he looks like the COB.

At the end of year the elves get grumpy and overworked in preparation of a ritual they've nicknamed ORSE (Old Red Suit's Excursion) or the alternate TRE (Tree Receptacles Evolution).

But the true clincher for me was the fact that submarine escape training required you to learn the Santa song and sing Ho, Ho, Ho all the way to the surface.

Santa's new red submersible safety suit (Ho, Ho, Ho)

I hope all this evidence is convincing because, some day, when my young son asks me the inevitable question, "Dad is there really a Santa?" being honest I'll have to say:

"I can nether confirm or deign the existence of Santa, but if he is real, I think he wears Dolphins".

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